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About Literature / Hobbyist ryan23/Male/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
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the cycle of the human mind
why are leaves only beautiful after forsaking the tree,
famed after death and disregarded in life,
vibrant hues of scarlet, citrus, and amber,
glorifying inevitable wintertide.
bearing lightless days and passionless nights,
sheets upon sheets upon sheets of ice,
thus we lie dormant in wait such as the fickle fox,
for aforesaid tree to bloom anew.
budding saplings and reincarnated flora,
kept dreary by steadfast deluge,
each waking hour spent in promising revery,
of cordial skies and clearer times.
solar beams with euphony of avian cries,
drowned not by sea but sweltering warmth,
barricading the subconscious to a single thought,
"I look forward to autumn, I hope it comes soon."
:iconsecond-last:second-last 5 4
each story starts fresh,
every struggle is diverse,
focus on their truth.
chances aren't just born,
create and illuminate,
conspire and enhance.
every gem can shine,
on the cloudiest of days,
facilitate strengths.
change is inner strife,
a thorny road lies ahead,
highlight the result.
empathic response,
remedy for unwilling,
birds of a feather.
all actions have weight,
the trick is application,
two wrongs can make right.
:iconsecond-last:second-last 1 0
i don't know for sure what perfection is, no one does.
but i can suspect it's the never-ending struggle to be more than who we are,
a non-existent ideal that plunges you into a pit of woe-is-me.
the cycle of the 'am-i-good-enoughs' and the 'please-notice-mes'.
a grasping root of high standards, set by others yet achieved by none.
the very idea is a corrupt manifestation of insecurities and self pity,
waking up and reaching for the sky that isn't there.
even if you stand on the bed and jump, just beyond your grip as you grab aimlessly,
it might only be an illusion, though a 'curse' seems more apt.
a deceptive mirage that spells disappointment,
like buying the lottery ticket and hearing your numbers being called.
getting excited until the sinking feeling,
'fuck me, this is last weeks ticket'.
i once believed in 'perfection',
but you can't spell believe without 'lie'.
:iconsecond-last:second-last 3 5
Relapse, breathe in, contract, begin,
The world's assimilation.
Protect, within, format, reach in,
Recreate your imagination.
Pull back, hang in, exhale, loosen,
Prepare for mental reincarnation.
Your thoughts, no more, cannot, control,
Familiarity is just a concept.
Black out, repeat, seize up, defeat,
Now processing self realisation.
Execute, give in, fade away, hold still,
Let fantasies take over.
> Mind.exe succesfully reformatted to file type NTFS.
:iconsecond-last:second-last 6 2


Sensory Overload by toxic--sunrise Sensory Overload :icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 6 2
give me little, brittle bird bones
before the storm of you blows them away-
small hummingbirds through paper walls,
tiny charmed lives on forest grounds
lost at sea to drive in movies,
late summers in the city,
let me build a home-
stitched together from the fragile lives
left in your wake, forget-me-nots
beneath the windows and
lights that aren't quite right
over the hills
(there are many definitions
of breathing underwater,
breathing glass,
breathing life into the dead
how is it that you can define
and do within a single gasp,
and reassure with the next-)
i cannot pin you down,
such is the way with storms-
they brew and bleed and dissipate
within blinks of an eye
or with months of preparation,
all we can do is watch
the way you build runes
from afar.
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 22 8
fragments i.
there is something 
romantic, almost, about
unfinished tattoos, thoughts
questions, memories, dreams-
the difference between 
winging it - writing 
the entire story at
the drop of a hat
instead if going 
through the motions
of some hairpin
plan that should
should should should work
as long as gravity
remains a thing and
he disappears with 
the morning fog.
Jess, dear, 
i'm proud of you
for healing, for smiling, 
for being gutsy enough 
to wear a short sleeved 
shirt with pride and a 
smile, despite
i'm not sure i could
do the same in your
place, but then again, 
not everyone is made 
of the same stuff and 
you're one of the strongest
strangers i'll ever know
(we can keep a secret,
between you and me. i
won't tell a soul that you
were shaking like a leaf 
when he pointed it out.)
but he stays, like 
poured concrete
against the rain 
and the weather,
he stays,
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 6 6
this is me being brave
a study of stripes completed,
results inconclusive-- we're still asking
the wrong questions to private matters
printed in the morning paper.
(stop being so selfish, love,
it's not always about you, or what you think.
do[n't] tie someone else's noose with
your thoughts and feelings; we learn from example.)
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 10 15
It's July! + Edit (II)
Okay, so I'm a couple hours ahead. Shush.
It's time for FFM! You can learn more about it and sign up HERE. And even if you don't sign up, you can contribute prompts HERE.
I've got a really bad idea starting on the 4th! See the current hit list HERE, and contribute to it via note. 
If I am not dead by the end of the month, it will be a miracle. 
EDIT: Because I was knee deep in sour cherries yesterday, making jam and fruit leather, I kindofsortof forgot about my really bad id
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 1 27
you, my sword swallower,
are not made for soft touches,
creating calming storms
for sensitive skin
no, you have your way
with(out) words,
morning melodies left
digging graves at 3:28am
when i should be sleeping,
i should be sleeping,
i should be sleeping,
but it's been days
(day one: you said hello.
day two: i never said goodbye)
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 9 9
you bound our spines with faulty promises-
no explanation wanted, no mention of monsters
or skeletons partly buried in pasts and closets;
"they don't matter, they don't matter, they don't matter."
becoming an easily chanted mantra for morning, noon, and night.
("but what if i forget how to feel alive,
what if my paper mache skin peels away,
poisoned apples rotting my insides
of festering, half healed wounds.
...what if i shouldn't do this anymore?"
"god may have said jump, but it's still your choice
of when, where and how high.")
we watched ourselves dissipate into nothing,
murmurs of "you should have known better"
cling to our wrists and ankles like forgotten children,
unwrapped and blooming into the way we destroy ourselves.
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 13 16
i'm told to try
when i want to wait and see
what you're going to do
because darling,
you're not making sense.
i'm told to be done
when you say one thing
and do another,
and darling,
i understand why
they tell me what they do,
but i want to understand you
and trying to understand
what in god's name you think
defines a relationship
isn't the most calming task
i've spent days killing things,
in video games of course,
and i've lost no distance
between my temper and you.
(all i want to do is snap you
in two, shoot you in your kneecaps
and throw you into traffic.)
(silence can be the greatest weapon,
and you're an expert at wielding it,
but i'm not the enemy you're painting
me into, so why are you?)
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 4 4
reincarnation [of] [a] fling,
he said he would paint a world-
a big, neon, flashing sign that says
[that] [it's] lines in the sand,
waking, wishing, waiting
swollen dents, fireflies pray
[it's] why stars don't sleep
for this sinking heart
(but i thought it got better)
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 12 12
A black cat sleeps in a ray of sun
My coffee is lousy
Another cardboard morning
The day isn't a blank canvas
Waiting to be painted
Its already scrawled with
Yesterday's mad crayon drawings
Smoke drifts up and out of the window
I drink the coffee
:iconbark:Bark 26 39
All That Glitters
Heart etched in stone
fickle beauty
shallow symbol of love
:iconsilverwynd:SilverWynd 7 0
glass bullets
(today, i'm a writer without words
for things like this, i don't know
what words i want, and i'm drowning
in constant sparks sparks sparks.)
it's been hours & all i've got is
dark circles & a leather jacket &
more questions than answers.
tomorrow, i'll buy a dictionary &
get to the bottom of this.
:icontoxic--sunrise:toxic--sunrise 8 20



Hello. Yearly check-in. I'm alive. Third year of college. Time flies. Goodbye.


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Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
i used this site a lot when i was 14

now i'm 23


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